it finally happen..

Something i dread finally happen..

i open my hand to carry Ryan.. he didnt want me.. he wanted her instead.. break my heart..

He wanked when i carried him over.. she toook him back. i was so upset.. felt really bad..

she see him every day more than me.. she bath him and play with him more than me.. i dun blame him.. but myself.. felt my heart break into thousand and million pieces... what is worse.. everytime i spend my time with him, she also want to be involve.. when she is mopping the floor and me in the room playing with him, she will call him.. when he is in the car, she will try to play peek a boo behind with him and get his attention... when he is in my arms, she will call out to him to wave at him hello.. sigh... when in the lift, she repeat what i say to him.. who is the mother...i think too much.. but what can i do.. i need to work... how i wish i can take care of him myself...

will try not to think abt it.. back to work..

tired..

this week i am really tired.. shhshh.... i doze off slightly when i work.. i really cant help it..

 

Lucky i am seated in a room where there is me and another gal.. who is back facing me.. hehe.. so i hope no one spotted me.. heehee

 

Ryan is down with flu.. and as mummy night like this is hell.. cant sleep well when he is not..

 

i hope he will get better. it is long weekend and we are fetching Ben from airport tonight!!

--
Regards
Meiqi

Updates..

I havent update in ages!! I know.. my sister reminded me how long i didnt update..

 

It just isit me.. to let friends around know how down I feel. I do not know why I just dun allow myself to talk about it.. I just sink into this little shell of me..

 

For almost one year, Life hasnt been good for me...

Not sure if having a helper in my house make my life in a mess or it was already in a mess.. just that it just all floated up when she was here...

 

Have you all have the feeling that you just cant get along with one person? I really cant with my helper. she is ok. My husband say at least she is honest, she doesnt steal, she does the housework decently.. Why do you still have so much complains.. I have countless of arguement over her with him..

 

Well when she first arrive, we told her all the house rules and the things she need to do. blah blah blah.. She has been here a year... all i can say is she is smart, she is difiant, she likes to do things her way...  There are a number stuns she did i will never forget.. and the recent one really keep my mind in a mess. Last sunday, she change without closing the door and my husband is around. It just happen that he was calling to her to do somethings.. and he saw her.. sigh.. I didnt think much that day.. coz it is really embarrassing for my husband i dare not mention anything anymore.. but on Monday, the more i think abt it the more i dun understand.. Wat was she thinking!!! Sigh..

 

Yesterday my sister broke the news to my mummy.. to send her back when little nicky boy is ready for school when he turns 18 mths... but my mummy intention is to keep her. till the boys are bigger and go to school.. I guess my mummy is worried she cant cope with Ryan alone as he become more active..sigh..

 

I am a mummy who thinks that having a bb is my decision and i shld not just throw my son to someone elses care so that i can relax and enjoy my time.. i like to do everything myself for my son. i like to bath him, play with him.. etc etc.. and it is something that my mum or aunties or hubby cant understand.. but it is me.. 

 

I do not know how to explain.. my anger when my husband just ask her to take care for the few mins i went to take a quick shower or when i need to prepare some stuffs.. Just dont understand why he cant spend some time playing with his son.. is the TV or the internet more important? after a few arguments, husband did less of the passing to her for fear that i will pick up a quarrel again.. but it is just not the way i expected him to be a father of my son.. Y cant he just spend more time bonding with your son!!

 

No one also understand the feeling i have when Ryan was being cranky in the car for long car ride and she will go "Ryan dun cry ah!" like she is the mummy.... While i just sit and paitently try my best to pacify him.. And also no one understnad my anger when i am playing with Ryan and when she come in the room, she will just stand in a corner, and when Ryan look at her, she will play peek a boo and stuffs to catch her attention or when she is doing housework and passes us, she will call him out loud to get his attention.. shldnt Ryan attention be with his mummy? Is all these being a possesive mum?

 

I can take it when it is relatives or friends helping me with Ryan.. but never her.. I guess i am not one who can have maids around.. I need a break from her.. Well i am getting a break from her.. We are bringing Ryan to Genting on 13 Nov.. Just my family, my sis family and my parents.. anyone wans to join us?

 

Oh ya.. just to update you all.. i change my job.. now i am with johnson and johnson as financial analyst... a change so that i have more challanges and learn more.. well will try to update as much as i can.. :)